“Stay the course – it’s truly worth it” (Blog #2)

One word. Embarrassed. What am I embarrassed about? Allow me to explain…
As I spoke about in my last post, my biggest fear with this egg freezing process was telling my loved ones that I had chosen to freeze my eggs and hoping for their unwavering support. Once that fear was conquered , it was time to move on to my second biggest fear of this whole process – the injections. I think this is the most common fear I hear from friends that want to go through egg freezing or IVF. Truthfully, it was the fear of the unknown. How many days was I going to give myself injections? How many times? How big was the needle? Could I handle doing this on my own? The medication teach calmed my nerves a bit, but the anxiety was still bubbling as I inched closer to injection hour.
I was told to give 2 injections, of 2 different medications to start, between 6 – 9 pm during days 1 through 4. The morning of Day 5, I was instructed to head to the office to get my blood work and ultrasound done. I was eager for this appointment, as the ultrasound tech measured the number and size of each follicle and a few hours after the appointment, my nurse called me with the results on my various levels and how to proceed for the next few days. But back to Day 1, I did everything I could to psych myself up for the evening. 6:00pm rolled around, and I quickly went to my last workout for a few weeks, (as I was instructed not to work out during this process), picked up my favorite sushi takeout (a reward for when I completed the injections) and got comfortable on my couch to begin unloading medications on my coffee table. A quick helpful hint – although I was lucky enough to have a nurse walk through a med teach in person with me – I still recommend going to a pharmacy or medication manufacturers website and follow along with their videos. The videos are extremely helpful, and they prevent you from forgetting any of the minor details when doing this for the first time. In addition, they take away that extra anxiety of “am I doing this wrong”.
So with my iPad and video ready to go, I began preparing my first medication (which happen to be Menopur). I did my mixing, worked my magic, followed the video (to be honest, I found it a little fun as it was empowering knowing I could handle doing this on my own) and mentally prepared myself. 3…. 2…. 1….. couldn’t do it. Ok psych yourself up again girl, you can do this. 3…. 2…. 1…. Pinch!
I did it! I thought to myself. Holy crap – there’s a needle in me right now! And I’m injecting hormonal medication into my stomach. And you know what… I DIDN’T FEEL A THING! Mentally, the injections were almost the catalyst as to why I backed out of the egg freezing process. I could not believe how painless and simple it was. As the days continued on, I will tell you that there were a few injections that stung slightly and a minimal pinch here and there, but I promise you it was all more than manageable.
So I circle back around to my first statement. When I spoke to my nurse regarding Day 1 results, I did admit to her how embarrassed I was that I had even been the slightest afraid of those needles. So my advice to all of you out there, don’t be afraid!
With that being said, as the days continued (Days 8, 9, 10) I did start to feel different from an emotional aspect. I did ball my eyes out, completely unexpectedly, when a friend showed me an adorable YouTube clip with golden retriever puppies. I did start to feel bloated. I did feel slight cramping at random times, but still not as painful as what I would occasionally feel during my monthly menstrual cycle. Just know, it’s all part of the process. There is no normal, there are no perfect numbers, perfect E2 levels or perfect number of follicles. Everyone’s body is different and I encourage you all to embrace that. Stay away from the blogs that state “your E2 should be at this number” or “I had 15 mature follicles by day 8”, because the truth is no 2 people will stimulate the same. And I’ve learned that is OK and should be expected. If you trust your physician, and the practice (which I assume you do because you choose them for this process) trust that they are tailoring your protocol, for you, to get the best possible results. The goal for an egg freezing patient, is slightly different than the end goal for a traditional IVF patient, so also keep that in mind.
And I will end with this: This whole process really has left me with a sense of accomplishment and wonder. Knowing that I’m going about my daily activities , with follicles growing inside me, and that my body is capable of doing so, it’s quite amazing and overwhelming in the best way possible. Stay the course – it’s truly worth it.