“Post-Retrieval Perspective” (Blog #4)

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I am writing this 6 days post retrieval.  I have to say, that today is the first day I’m feeling back to normal.  In this blog today, I would like to provide a look back at my process and share some advice for anyone still contemplating the egg freezing process.

The first thing that comes to mind when I think about summarizing this process is:  That it really wasn’t that bad.  I realize everyone has different perceptions of doctor’s offices, getting blood drawn, different reactions to hormones and different support systems in their lives – so I know each individual will have a different perspective.  However, I am confident that the majority of women freezing their eggs are incredibly strong, remarkably capable and intelligent.  I guarantee, that if you are a woman who is considering freezing your eggs, you have to overcome a few obstacles in your life and more often than not, have decided to create your own path.  Truly, if you have gotten through career, relationship and life turmoil – then the 3 – 4 week process you dedicate to egg freezing will be a piece of cake.

Very little about egg freezing is “fun,” but nothing about it is horrible either.  It becomes part of your daily routine for 10 – 12 days.  I got to know the wonderful folks at OVA, I became friendly with my nurse who cheered me on, and I learned a heck of a lot of cool, fascinating clinical information.  To me, it was eye opening and incredibly interesting.

6 days after retrieval my hormones are finally back to normal (or so it seems) and the random tears at sappy commercials have subsided.  Thank goodness.  Today is the first day where I don’t feel unusually bloated, which is nice but it’s also hard to tell if the leftover bloat is from the retrieval or Mongolian Beef I picked up last night on the way home from work.  But I can comfortably say, give yourself a week post-retrieval (at minimum) and don’t worry about anything except recovering.

Am I happy I did this?  Absolutely.  I’ve heard the term “insurance plan” in tandem with egg freezing quite often.  And in a way, yes egg freezing is like an insurance plan that I hope to never have to use.  It makes me feel better that I have it and that it’s there.  One caveat I have to add is that although this is a form of an insurance plan – this is by no means a guarantee that you will get pregnant later on in life.  I’d hate for a women to think this is 100%, and then come to find out it is not down the road.  But for me, I felt more comfortable having frozen eggs, than not.

Are you all dying to know how many eggs I got?  I was too.  What did all of this lead to?  I ended up with 9 eggs.  When I tell people how many were retrieved, I received mix reactions.  When I read the blogs, I saw a range of numbers.  Anywhere from 4 – 30. 30 eggs!?  How did those women walk?

What’s my point in saying all of this?  My point is everyone’s number is different.  Although the number of eggs varies greatly from person to person, remember that you want good, mature, high quality eggs as well.  I learned that besides a visual grading that happens in the lab, there really is no way to 100% know if your eggs will be good quality or not.  The true test will be when you use them down the road.

Overall, I am extremely happy with my decision.  The procedure itself was relatively short (from entering to exiting – about 2 hours) and I was out the door within 45 minutes of waking up from anesthesia.  Make sure you have a family member or loved one available to drive you home – because although I could walk out the door easily, there was no way I was able to drive heavy machinery.

My last piece of advice would be – to ask as many questions to your healthcare providers as possible.  Reproductive Endocrinologists are unique, because unlike other physician specialties that cover multiple disease states, doing IVF and egg freezing is ALL reproductive endocrinologists do.  I say this because, they have seen hundreds to thousands of cycles per year – so they’ve dealt with many different situations.  They’ve seen many scenarios, so chances are whatever questions you have are not unheard of and there is an explanation and method to the madness.

It’s been a blast venting into the blog-o-sphere with you all.  I sincerely hope that sharing my experience was valuable to at least one person out there.  Best of luck with whatever decision you decide to make in your family preparing endeavors

“The Big Day is Here” (Blog #3)

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Well, the big day was finally here.  Bigger than my first communion, more important than my first day of school and way more exciting than a potential future wedding.  Today was Trigger day!

Today is the day that I am finally able to take the injection that will cause my follicles to release their eggs and as a result, cause ovulation to occur.  After doing some research and speaking with my health care practitioners, I learned this was perhaps the most important injection of the entire process.

I had taken 12 days of medication (2 injections in the evening and one in the morning) and had to go in for monitoring again the morning of day 13.  By day 12, I was slightly bloated, getting annoyed by the injections and daily blood work (at this point I had blood work 3 days in a row) and the process was consuming my brain.  Truthfully, I was surviving the process just fine and overall it was much less cumbersome and painful than I anticipated – but I was ready to be done .  I compare it to being around a family member for 12 days in a row – as much as I love and care for them, at the end of 12 days I am ready for some alone time.  I felt this same way about the injections.

As I had mentioned in previous blogs, the hardest part about this process was gathering my loved ones support.  After I had completed that step, I would say the second most challenging part was getting over the fear of needles and mastering the injections.  Luckily, the injections turned out to be a breeze.   And last, but not least, I would say the final challenge of this process were the last few days anxiously awaiting the magical words “we can trigger you tonight”.  I say this because a woman can trigger anytime between Day 7 and Day 12 of stimulation.  Everyday, when I was called with results, I didn’t know if I would be triggering that evening or wait to cook another day.  By Days 10, 11, 12 – I just really wanted to know when that procedure would happen so I could schedule my life accordingly.  But when I really took a step back and looked at the process – it is a measly 2 – 3 weeks of my life that I sacrificed, to ensure I had the best insurance policy I will ever purchase.

My OVA physician had prescribed a dual trigger.  This consisted of a subcutaneous injection of Lupron, and an intramuscular shot of 5,000 units of HCG.  Basically one shot in the stomach and one in the buttocks to be given at the same time.   This is done for a variety of reasons, many of which I am not smart enough to eloquently articulate, but it is mainly done to prevent overstimulation or OHSS.  This is probably the worst thing that could happen to you during the process, and using Lupron as a trigger helps prevent that.  I must warn you I am not a physician so I am only paraphrasing what my OVA healthcare providers have told me.  The Lupron shot was a piece of cake and is similar to the injections I had given myself throughout stimulation.  The trigger shot would be more of a shock.  The needle is longer and therefore looks a bit scarier.  I found out later that this is because it needs to be long enough to reach the muscle, while the other injections just needed to reach the layer of fat right under the skin.  The trigger shot is given in the upper right quadrant of the buttocks – and your nurse will instruct you how to give it properly.  You will need someone else to give you this injection.  I’ve heard about women giving it to themselves, but I think this is rare and they must be much more up to date on current yoga poses than I am, because I could not bend that way. Luckily, my sweet mother was happy to provide assistance.

I couldn’t help but watch a few YouTube clips of normal folk giving the injection to their partners.  I knew I was breaking my own rule, because I had preached (in the last blog) to not listen to what the internet had to say.  However, in this instance watching videos actually helped calm my nerves.  The one that helped the most, was just an average couple with a nervous wife and confident husband.  She stood there for a few minutes anxiously awaiting the shot.  Well, turns out, the husband actually gave her the shot and she hadn’t even realized it!  That definitely calmed my nerves and made me realize that if I could come this far, one more injection was not going to phase me.

Turns out – my mother could be a trigger shot specialist because she did an excellent job! I felt only the tiniest pinch and it was over before I knew it.  She was quite proud of herself as well J  It really was painless.  And again, I couldn’t have felt more empowered and relieved that all I had left was 36 hours until the final procedure.  At this point, I felt the hardest days were behind me.  For the first time in a few days, I felt excitement as I desperately wanted to know what my final egg count would be.  One thing I learned through the process as well, that as much as we all want a certain “number” of eggs – getting a lower number of quality eggs became more important than getting a high quantity.  I wanted to know that I would have quality eggs that I could use down the road, as I didn’t want this process to be in vain.

I’m eager and feeling good about my upcoming procedure.  I’ve been told the entire process – from the time I walk in the door of the clinic – lasts about 2 – 3 hours and the actual procedure itself lasts only 10 – 15 minutes.  I will be out under light anesthesia and I can walk out shortly after the procedure is finished.  Compared to what I hear about most procedures, this sounds very manageable.  And frankly, I’m just ready to get back to hormone-free me.

“Stay the course – it’s truly worth it” (Blog #2)

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One word. Embarrassed. What am I embarrassed about? Allow me to explain…
As I spoke about in my last post, my biggest fear with this egg freezing process was telling my loved ones that I had chosen to freeze my eggs and hoping for their unwavering support. Once that fear was conquered , it was time to move on to my second biggest fear of this whole process – the injections. I think this is the most common fear I hear from friends that want to go through egg freezing or IVF. Truthfully, it was the fear of the unknown. How many days was I going to give myself injections? How many times? How big was the needle? Could I handle doing this on my own? The medication teach calmed my nerves a bit, but the anxiety was still bubbling as I inched closer to injection hour.
I was told to give 2 injections, of 2 different medications to start, between 6 – 9 pm during days 1 through 4. The morning of Day 5, I was instructed to head to the office to get my blood work and ultrasound done. I was eager for this appointment, as the ultrasound tech measured the number and size of each follicle and a few hours after the appointment, my nurse called me with the results on my various levels and how to proceed for the next few days. But back to Day 1, I did everything I could to psych myself up for the evening. 6:00pm rolled around, and I quickly went to my last workout for a few weeks, (as I was instructed not to work out during this process), picked up my favorite sushi takeout (a reward for when I completed the injections) and got comfortable on my couch to begin unloading medications on my coffee table. A quick helpful hint – although I was lucky enough to have a nurse walk through a med teach in person with me – I still recommend going to a pharmacy or medication manufacturers website and follow along with their videos. The videos are extremely helpful, and they prevent you from forgetting any of the minor details when doing this for the first time. In addition, they take away that extra anxiety of “am I doing this wrong”.
So with my iPad and video ready to go, I began preparing my first medication (which happen to be Menopur). I did my mixing, worked my magic, followed the video (to be honest, I found it a little fun as it was empowering knowing I could handle doing this on my own) and mentally prepared myself. 3…. 2…. 1….. couldn’t do it. Ok psych yourself up again girl, you can do this. 3…. 2…. 1…. Pinch!
I did it! I thought to myself. Holy crap – there’s a needle in me right now! And I’m injecting hormonal medication into my stomach. And you know what… I DIDN’T FEEL A THING! Mentally, the injections were almost the catalyst as to why I backed out of the egg freezing process. I could not believe how painless and simple it was. As the days continued on, I will tell you that there were a few injections that stung slightly and a minimal pinch here and there, but I promise you it was all more than manageable.
So I circle back around to my first statement. When I spoke to my nurse regarding Day 1 results, I did admit to her how embarrassed I was that I had even been the slightest afraid of those needles. So my advice to all of you out there, don’t be afraid!
With that being said, as the days continued (Days 8, 9, 10) I did start to feel different from an emotional aspect. I did ball my eyes out, completely unexpectedly, when a friend showed me an adorable YouTube clip with golden retriever puppies. I did start to feel bloated. I did feel slight cramping at random times, but still not as painful as what I would occasionally feel during my monthly menstrual cycle. Just know, it’s all part of the process. There is no normal, there are no perfect numbers, perfect E2 levels or perfect number of follicles. Everyone’s body is different and I encourage you all to embrace that. Stay away from the blogs that state “your E2 should be at this number” or “I had 15 mature follicles by day 8”, because the truth is no 2 people will stimulate the same. And I’ve learned that is OK and should be expected. If you trust your physician, and the practice (which I assume you do because you choose them for this process) trust that they are tailoring your protocol, for you, to get the best possible results. The goal for an egg freezing patient, is slightly different than the end goal for a traditional IVF patient, so also keep that in mind.
And I will end with this: This whole process really has left me with a sense of accomplishment and wonder. Knowing that I’m going about my daily activities , with follicles growing inside me, and that my body is capable of doing so, it’s quite amazing and overwhelming in the best way possible. Stay the course – it’s truly worth it.

“Modern medicine is a beautiful thing” (Blog #1)

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Well, it sure did sneak up on me.  Tomorrow is the official day I begin medications for my egg preservation with OVA.  I will meet with my nurse and we will walk through protocol and injection techniques for each medication.  I’m surprisingly not as nervous as I would have imagined.  I think in the weeks leading up to the process, I’ve been so caught up in minutia and details (monitoring appointments, pharmacy verification, adamant I was taking my birth control at the SAME time every day) that I forgot to be nervous for the injection part.  I see this as a win– as I know my idle mind can wander.  As I sit here, one day before I begin my medication, I realize the part I was most anxious for is actually over.  Let me explain…

The part of this process that I’ve been most anxious about, is actually having a conversation with my loved ones (specifically parents and boyfriend) about what I was embarking upon.   I am very familiar with the egg freezing process, had studied up and knew my terminology and statistics forwards and backwards – but the truth is not many people do.   I guess I was anxious because I didn’t know what their level of knowledge was on the subject and if they had an preconceived notions.

I have to say the most nerve wrecking part of it all was sharing my decision with my boyfriend.  We have dated a little over a year,  have discussed our future, and that we both want to be a part of each other’s lives  – but we have not talked about it in tremendous detail.  A lot of people have asked why I decided to freeze my eggs if I had already met and am with “the person” I was going to spend the rest of my life with.  Although I can understand that question, I guess I didn’t look at it from that perspective.  Let me explain.

I’m a 31-year-old young professional, with a very grandiose love of travel.  From a very young age, I never had the “I need to be a Mom gene”.  I was always open to it and enjoyed children but it was never my #1 priority.   I knew I wanted to build a life for myself first, have a career I loved, and embark upon adventures where I was meeting new and exciting people and seeing the unexplored countries / beaches in this beautiful world.   I’ve always been a girl that’s never had a perfect plan – planning life out a few months at a time.  I felt logical about this because I always knew life could change at any moment.   I never planned out my wedding as a young woman, because I knew that by the time I choose to get married – my tastes would be completely different from my childhood vision.  But when I decide something is best for me, I will act on it.

As I turned 30, as many can relate, you see a certain part of your friend circle drift off into adulthood.  You see friends buy houses, do the white picket fence thing, get adorable puppies and have children.  Seeing many friends embark upon that journey, it solidifies that I’m not quite ready for it yet, but at the same time it does open my eyes to the fact that I want it someday.   For me,  the worst thing that could happen was look back at 45 and know there was something I could have done at 31 that would have given me a chance at having a biological child.  I decided I’d rather go through the process today, and have eggs frozen, than look back in 10 years and wonder.  Even if I never use them, it made me feel empowered knowing that a little bit of pressure was taken off, and I could be me, and admittedly selfish, for a few more years.   Modern medicine is a beautiful thing.

But I digress – the most nerve wrecking part to me, up until this point, was having to tell my boyfriend.  He’s always been a supportive, loving man – but again you are never sure how people view these subjects or their current level of knowledge.    I got the nerve to tell him about two weeks before starting my medications, and I couldn’t have been happier with the support I received.  As a man, his first question was – 1) Was there anything morally wrong with doing this? 2) What would be his part if we had to use the eggs one day? 3) Could we still have kids the old fashioned way if we wanted to.

Ultimately, I was able to answer those questions simply, and tell him this is ultimately a back up plan.  Not one that’s 100% guaranteed, but a solid back up plan that allows us to do “us” for a few more years.  And although I am involving him in the conversation, the truth is I get to do me for a few more years.  And I don’t feel the pressure to have kids as quickly – I just feel like I’m able to breathe a bit more.  It has been quite empowering .

I realize my story and situation might be a bit different than most ladies going through the egg freezing process.  If I could offer any advice, it would be that the relief of finally making the decision to do it is the biggest hurdle but the biggest empowerment of the process.   It sometimes feels like it’s not fair that as a woman, my best child bearing years happen to coincide with the same years that I finally feel like I’m getting my life together.  The choice to freeze my eggs felt like I was taking some control back, and doing it on my timeline instead of Mother Nature’s.  Once I decided to book the official appointments, and I knew my OVA nurses and doctors had it on their schedule, I couldn’t back out.  And that was a good thing, because in a way I had other people holding me accountable.  For me, it made sense to do it right away, as I didn’t want to schedule it 4 – 5 months out and then have something personally or with work come up.

I have to say the OVA health care providers are phenomenal.  They have responded to all questions via email and text immediately and have really seen every situation possible.  No question has been too silly.

I’m still slightly anxious for the first injections tomorrow, but it has been a bit of a relief knowing my nurse will walk me through the injection steps.  She made a good point the other day – there is a reason the FDA allows us to do these shots at home – they really are that easy.  That actually put my anxiety to rest a bit.  But fear of the unknown is always the worst part.  We shall see tomorrow.   Excited to write again and my share first-hand experience about the injections and other parts of the process.