“My Future Self Will Thank Me” (Egg freezing cycle 2, Blog entry 1)

So….back for round 2! I have just started my second go at freezing my eggs with OVA and have found this time surprisingly different in more ways than I realized.

When I first met with the OVA staff who would guide me through this process, I was not as intimidated by the daily regimen I would need to follow over the course of 2 weeks. I had been here before; administered shots to my abdomen, felt the changes in my body, began daily blood draws and ultrasounds, ultimately bringing me to my retrieval date.

As I just completed my first ultrasound after giving myself hormone injections this week, the differences have become apparent. I understand when the ultrasound technician explains that he sees 6 follicles growing in each ovary, totaling 12. I understand what the measurements mean for viability and keeping an eye to help them grow to the size needed for retrieval. As the saying goes, sometimes ignorance is bliss and knowledge is power….however this knowledge has also stirred a bit of anxiousness in me.

Whereas during my first round of egg freezing, I wasn’t quite sure what I was seeing during my ultrasounds but knew growing follicles meant a positive outcome, that wasn’t exactly the case. I was stimulating quite well, with 23 I believe at the appointment just before my retrieval, only to pull 12 mature and 7 eggs to freeze. That number, as explained to me, is equivalent to just about 1 round of IVF, oof. My body had just gone through quite a bit and seemed well-positioned to provide so many eggs for the future and the outcome was a bit disappointing. Flash forward to now, looking at that 12, my ultimate focus is working with the OVA team to ensure we are dosing properly and encouraging my body through these hormones in a slow and steady pace.

Physically, I definitely feel the bloating and heaviness that is going on in my lower abdomen, but it now feels different than PMS symptoms. Perhaps it is because I know what’s happening, but it does feel as though I am carrying something more. Interestingly enough, I have noticed (and friends who know I am going through this) that I protectively place my hand on the side of my stomach – without realizing it. I’d like to think this is almost instinctual which makes me smile, almost feels like the closest thing to being maternal

My mom flies in Wednesday as my retrieval date will be sometime Thursday, Friday or Saturday and I am ever so grateful for her support. I’ve been a bit emotional the last day or so and I can only imagine it will increase as the days go on. This is such an empowering process any woman can do for herself. To use your body as a vessel for what could be your potential children and know that you are ‘freezing time’ – to have your body be in optimal reproductive health should you need to use these eggs later in life. I feel that connection with my body already and it is one that goes beyond the superficial. It truly is a beautiful thing to feel the changes of what is happening.

I am excited about the coming days and watching my progress; staying positive for a great outcome but know that whatever that is, I’ve taken this step in my fertility and it feels good and it feels right and my future self will thank me.